I haven’t talked about my love life recently and I’m sure you all are just dying for an update especially because contrary to what has been the norm over the past two years, I do actually have some updates.
First, the sad story.
A few months ago, I met a handsome gentleman (If you follow me on Twitter of Facebook, you’ll recognize that epithet.) and we had several, very nice dates. It was a bit uneven, though. I was always the one to initiate our dates and, more often than not, I was the one who paid.
In my experience, when two men of similar socio-economic status and economic stability date, significant effort is made by both parties to keep expenditures between the parties even. Disparate spending can be a source of significant unrest in a new relationship particularly between males who may harbor notions about the necessity of demonstrating financial virility during courtship. Put more simply: if one person always pays, that person may become resentful and feel like he’s being milked and the other may feel insecure or that his masculinity is challenged.
I was mostly annoyed by the apparent lack of basic manners, but dismissed those feelings as petulance (Yes, I can be petulant.) and assumed that there was a good chance that our financial situations were not as even as I had assumed.
But the lack of any reciprocity in terms of initiating contact was the biggest beef I had. Of course, I never told him this directly.
I did one time tell him about a dream I had that I enjoyed in which he asked me on a date and was thrilled to accept. (I really did have such a dream.) And he just laughed about it, but didn’t do actually ask me out.
In fairness to him, I should acknowledge that he always came to me. I never went to his house or to New Jersey, where he lives, or anything like that. So, he wasn’t utterly passive in the relationship.
Alas, I met someone else and he sort of fell out of the forefront of my thoughts.
However, I didn’t forget him. I texted him. I called him. But he never responded! I wanted to at least have a conversation in which I thank him for his company and let him know that I have no further intentions toward courting him. But after three, admittedly half-hearted, attempts to reach him, I am ashamed to say that I resorted to sending him an email.
Hello!
I hope this note finds you well, although I do regret saying this in email as I prefer to have these conversations in person or, at worst, over the phone. It’s just that we haven’t been able to connect on the phone and I wouldn’t think of asking you to come all the way to the city for this.
To the point: I wanted to thank you for your time and company. I enjoyed myself immensely and I hope you did as well. Unfortunately, I believe you and I are now moving in different directions in life and I’d like to unburden you and myself from any illusions about it. I know we never had any relationship conversations, but I very much dislike when people simply disappear rather than making clear their intentions.
Perhaps in the future we’ll find ourselves on parallel paths again.
Thank you again and best wishes!
I very much dislike hearing about anyone sending relationship-changing communications via email. This was, in fact, the first time I’ve ever done it. In the past, I’ve always had these conversations in person. Once or twice I’ve had them over the phone, but those were situations in which the geographic distance between me and my audience was an hour or more by car AND the relationship had not reached a level of any significance. Note that qualifications, because I have driven over an hour before to break up with someone in person because it was a significant relationship and that’s how strongly I feel about this.
I am aghast at people who break things off via text message. As mentioned, I loathe voicemail, so I don’t even think of leaving good news there.
On the other side of this, I am pretty sure he felt the same way about things and we were already on the same page, but I like to make things clear.
In other, semi-unrelated news, I met someone else who is a lot more fun!
So far, it’s going well. I’m enjoying his company and he mine. We’re both kind of goofy and quirky in our ways. He’s not an Objectivist, but he seems to be honestly interested in it, if only in a very superficial way. He makes me smile and laugh and he’s cute as a bug’s ear. I don’t have a lot more to say about him right now except that I do hope the good times keep rolling.
Congratulations, sir!