I just invented this.  I haven’t even cooked it, but I know it’s gonna be awesome.

Ingredients:

• 1lb of bacon
• A head of cauliflower
• A bag of baby carrots
• A bunch of celery
• 3 – 4 onions
• Rosemary
• Thyme
• Parsley
• Salt
• Pepper

Directions:

1. Bake the bacon in a 9 x 13 baking dish at 400ish degrees until it’s cooked the way you want.
2. Cut up the veggies and put into a big bowl with a lid.
3. Add herbs and spices to taste.
4. Cover bowl and shake it.
5. Remove your bacon and put veggies in the bacon fat.  Really stir it up and get the grease all on it.
6. Bake veggies until it’s what you want. The carrots will take the longest.

That’s it!

My first experiment in a caveman-friendly ice-cream was a dismal failure. So, I decided to try a more classical recipe — minus the sugar — to see where I could get with it.  I think the results will be good, but could stand quite a bit of improvement, so here’s what I did and what I will try next time.

Ingredients

• 2 10oz packages of frozen strawberries
• 1 10oz package of frozen raspberries
• 1 10oz package of frozen blackberries
• 2c whole milk
• 1c heavy cream
• 6 egg yolks
• two tsp of vanilla extract
• a pinch of salt

Notes on Ingredients

• I used frozen, organic berries because I wasn’t sure when I was going to get around to making this. If I knew I would make it right away, I probably would have gone with fresh berries instead. Also, I used organic berries because that’s what I saw first in the freezer. They’re smaller, a bit more tart, and more self-righteous than berries grown with chemical fertilizers, so that’s why I opted for a reduction as you’ll see in the instructions and why I suggest an alternative fruit base later.
• Also, this is way too much berries.  This batch of ice-cream turned out to be HUGE. See the recipe for my next attempt below.
• I opted for a 2:1 milk to cream ratio because I was thinking I wanted a lower fat ratio such as one finds in commercial ice-cream. In retrospect, I probably would make this with a 1:1 ratio, which would produce a richer result.
• I also decided to use six egg yolks because I used SO many berries.  With fewer berries, I’d probably drop down to four yolks.  Just FYI, the yolks help create the emulsion.

Directions

1. blend all your berries in a blender and strain out the seeds.
2. Reduce the berries in a non-stick pan.  This just means cook it for a while over a low-medium heat, stirring frequently. The goal is to concentrate the sugars.  If you decide to do a reduction, let it cool before proceeding to step 3.
3. Mix your milk, cream, and berries and heat over a low heat.  Just get it hot and be careful not to heat it too quickly because the milk will turn into something really groady. Do NOT boil it.
4. In a separate bowl, whisk up your egg yolks.  Then, slooowwwly whisk your berry mixture into the eggs.  You want to do this slowly because you don’t want to cook the eggs and end up with scrambled eggs in your ice-cream. This is also why you don’t want the berry mixture to be too hot.
5. Once thoroughly mixed, return to heat.  Add vanilla and salt.  Heat slowly, stirring constantly. Be sure to scrape the bottom of the pan while you’re stirring.  When the mixture starts to coat your spatula, it’s time to take it off the heat and chill.
6. After thoroughly chilling the “custard” you freeze it in your mixer.

So, as I type this, I’m waiting for the custard to chill so I can freeze it in the ice-cream mixer.  I tasted the custard and it’s very good. It tastes like berries and whipped cream. (That’s basically what it is.)

On my next attempt, here’s the ingredient list I want to try:

• 1 10oz package of frozen cherries
• 1 10oz package of frozen blueberries (or maybe blackberries. We’ll see.)
• 1 peach
• 1.5c whole milk
• 1.5c heavy cream
• 4 egg yolks
• 1 tsp vanilla
• tiny pinch of salt

I think those proportions, flavors, and chemicals will work out really well.

UPDATE: You may have noticed that I didn’t add any alcohol to this.  I usually do that to lower the freezing temperature of the ice-cream and keep it scoopable.  I may still add some kirschwassar to it before I freeze it, but my apartment is so hot in the summer that it’s hard to get the ice-cream to freeze properly and I didn’t want to risk not getting it churned up properly.

UPDATE 2: I didn’t add any kirsch to my ice-cream.  It seemed to set up well enough, but it’s quite tart. I’m wondering if there wasn’t enough sugar in the berries to get everything jiving together properly.

I haven’t given up on my mission to invent some relatively caveman-friendly ice-cream and the other day I was mixing up a batch of chocolate beer milk chocolate ice-cream with a mixed berry coulis when I had a great idea.  I may try it out later this weekend, but until I do, I needed to read more about the chemistry of ice-cream.

As you may or may not know, ice-cream is a emulsion of three things: fat, air, ice.  But it’s also a foam.  Another fun fact: if you churn your ice-cream for too long, you’ll start to get butter particles.

Anyway, looking into this for my invention, I found this excellent article on how ice-cream works.  It’s pretty sweet!

My friend, Dave, told me last week about a roast recipe that he’s perfected over the years.  It’s so tender, he says, that he refuses to give dinner guests knives when he serves it.  Since the recipe is one he invented, the measurements are based on his experience, so I had to make it up as I went along.  My roast isn’t as good as I imagine his to be; I deviated pretty significantly from what he described as his recipe and I’m sure he’d describe what I did as sacrilege, but it is still pretty damn good.  Here’s what I did.

Ingredients

• 3lb bottom round roast
• butter
• Dill weed
• Rosemary
• Salt
• Black pepper
• Bacon fat
• Red wine
• Water

Directions

1. First, melt your butter in a big frying pan.  When it’s good and hot, sear the outside of your roast(s). (I did two roasts at the same time this evening.) This process locks the juices into the roast by basically cauterizing the outside of the meat.
2. Cover the meat in a generous cover of rosemary, dill, salt, and pepper.  This is a matter of taste. I was liberal with the herbs and pepper and used coarse sea salt. Don’t forget to do both sides of your meat!
3. I drizzled the meat in bacon fat. I figured, “What could it hurt?”
4. Put enough water and wine in the bottom of your slow cooker to cover a third or half of your roasts. I don’t like wine flavoring in my meat, so I was lighter on the wine than water.
5. Cook for 10 – 11 hours

By the time my roast was done, it was literally falling apart. I had a hard time at points picking it up out of the slow cooker with forks because it was so tender and the outer layers kept threatening to slough off.

I haven’t gone grocery shopping in a while and I went into my kitchen to make something to eat.  I thought I would just make something like a meat sauce and just eat that to get rid of some things and I ended up with a very yummy sloppy joe recipe.

Ingredients

• 1lb of hamburger
• 1 onion, chopped
• chopped garlic
• 1 can of tomato paste
• 1 can of tomato sauce
• salt & pepper to taste
• herbs & spices to taste

Directions

1. Brown the hamburger along with the onions and garlic.
2. Add the remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly
3. Eat and enjoy!

The herbs and spices I used this evening were just parsley and marjoram and I actually added them while browning the hamburger.  It’s super yummy and it only took about 15 minutes!

Dear Starbucks

I hope this letter finds you well and happy. The weather here in NYC has been nothing short of gorgeous these past few days here in NYC and I’ve noticed on my visits the past couple of days that you’ve been doing steady business. Good for you!

I’m writing to you about something that isn’t entirely your fault. The issue is with those Tazo teas you carry.

No, I am not writing to complain about the quality of the teas. They’re yummy enough.

I am writing to inform you that “calm,” “passion,” and “refresh” are not flavors.  So, when I ask the helpers behind the counter, “What kinds of caffeine-free teas do you carry?” and they respond with those words, they are not answering my question.

Further, when I say, “What kind of tea is ‘calm?’” It does not help me when they simply describe it as a “smoother, herbal tea.”  Neither do the blank looks when I ask, “What sort of herbs?” satisfy my curiosity about what I am about to buy.

I’m no connoisseur of herbal teas or anything, but I think it’s legitimate to inquire as to what is in the things one is going to purchase from your establishment and I feel compelled to revisit a point from above with greater emphasis.

“CALM,” “PASSION,” and “REFRESH” are NOT flavors.

I would appreciate it if you could educate your baristas on what is in those teas for those who inquire so that they can give more enlightened and enlightening responses to these basic inquiries.

Thank you!

Love ya like a sister!

XOXOX

-Trey

I originally posted this on Flibbertigibbet and am reposting here to make it easier for me to find when I want it.  (And also because Dave asked for it.)

January 11, 2009

I’m making jerky in my oven again today.  Jerky is a great snack.  It’s tasty, full of protein, and it does actually help stave off your appetite.

Jerky that you buy in stores is full of preservatives like nitrates and other things that sound like they’d be better for my potted plants than for me.

So, you can make your own!

The first time I made this, I sort of followed this recipe.  I hate how that recipe is written, though, and this time I tweaked it a little, so I decided to write down what I did both for your reference and mine.

Ingredients

• 4 lbs of London Broil
• 3/4 c of Worcestershire sauce
• 3/4 c of Low Sodium Soy Sauce
• 3 tsp of Salt (I use fine-grain sea salt)
• 3 tsp of Black Pepper
• 1½ tsp of Garlic Powder
• 1½ tsp of Onion Powder
• 1½ tsp of Cayenne Pepper
• 3 tsp of Other Stuff that Seems Like it Would be Good

Directions

1. Put the meat in the freezer for 30 minutes to an hour.  This makes it firm enough to cut into thin slices.
2. While your meat is chilling, get a big bowl (preferrably one with a lid) in which to marinade your meat.
3. Mix all of the other ingredients into the bowl and stir it up.
   • About that “other stuff.”  For marinades, soups, and cooking in general, I rarely measure anything very carefully.  Measurement is FAR more critical in baking.  Here, I was looking for some liquid smoke.  My roommate cooks a fair amount of cajun food, so you’d think we’d have some.  Nope!  So, I used about 1½ tsp of Browning and Seasoning sauce.  And then he came in and suggested this smoked pepper, so I tossed in about 1½ tsp of that.  I wanted my jerky to be a little smokier and a bit spicier this time around.
4. Trim off any big pieces of fat.  A little fat is fine, but the big pieces won’t dry out well and they taste really gross.  (Trust me.  I tried it.)
5. Cut meat into ¼ strips.  You can go thinner, too.  Thinner slices dry better than thicker ones.
6. Put all of the meat into the bowl with the marinade and stir it up.  If you have a big mixing bowl with a lid, like I do, you can just put the lid on and shake it up to make sure the marinade gets all over the meat.
7. Let marinade in the fridge over night at least.  24 hours would be ideal.  I’ve been known to go and shake up my bowl of meat and marinade a couple of times just to make sure everything gets hit with the marinade a lot.
8. The next day, drain the meat in a collander and then pat it dry on paper towels.
9. Line the bottom of the oven with aluminium foil.  This will catch the drippings from the meat so that your oven isn’t a hideous mess and fire-hazard.
10. Put the meat strips directly on the oven racks or, if you have them, cake racks.
11. Set the oven to its lowest temperature or about 200 degrees and let the meat dry for 3 – 5 hours.  Check it after a few hours just to see how things are coming along.  If you weren’t very consistent in your slicing, the thinner pieces will need to be removed from the oven before the thicker ones.  If you have an electric oven, you’ll need to leave the oven door open a crack to let the moist air out.

That’s it!  It’s a lot of steps, but all of them are very simple.  The least satisfying part about this is the fact that you do have to plan ahead and let the meat sit over night.  It’s one of those really slow recipes.  But jerky is delicious, very portable, and it keeps for a fair amount of time.  The other downside is that it’s pricey.  We’re talking about red meat, which definitely comes in at a higher price point than, say, potato chips or candy.  But it is good, delicious, and good for you, which is why I worked it into my budget.

A friend of mine is having a pot luck dinner party this coming weekend and I am very excited to attend.  My friend is very fond of rose prosecco, so I volunteered to bring a prosecco sorbet.

Cut to me flipping through my frozen dessert recipe book.  What do I end up making today?

Prosecco-Cassis Granita to be paired with a Raspberry-Prosecco Sorbet.

AND

A Pink Grapefruit-Prosecco Sorbet to be paired with a Raspberry Granita.

Unto themselves each of these should be delicious, but I’m hoping that the pairing makes it really extra awesome.  It’s too bad the weather isn’t warmer to really kick up these desserts.  I need to write to the hostess and find out how many guests there are.  I’ll likely need to choose one pairing for the dinner and use the other pairing for something else.

Note: This is WAY not caveman-friendly.

Kevin posted this to Facebook today.

Update: This is a clip from the movie Fat Head.

I realize there are people who never tire of bossing other people around and minding other people’s business, but I am of the opinion that such people should be kept far from me or any other sane person if not simply flogged and set on fire.  And yet, YET, they continue to be elected to public office.

The Center for Consumer Freedom: New York Considers Legislation to Ban Salt in Restaurants

Not content with just trying to tax soft drinks, New York’s nanny-state politicians are also considering legislation to prohibit the use of salt in the preparation of restaurant food. Assemblyman Felix Ortiz introduced this absurdist bill on March 5. Ortiz is one of New York’s more strident food cops, having already introduced strict restaurant menu labeling proposals in the past. He is also following in the steps of fellow food nanny Mayor Michael Bloomberg who went so far as to compare salt to carcinogenic asbestos.

The Blue Owl likes when I tell you he sent me something, so please take note that this story was sent to me by the Blue Owl.

Take note: this bill isn’t simply about allowing restaurants to put salt on the table, but prohibits the use of salt in the preparation of food. There is absolutely no way that this bill can pass.

Salt is a critical element in the preparation of innumerable recipes.  It’s used EVERYWHERE.  When I make ice-cream, I even use salt.  It helps with the chemistry of the custards.  It is a natural preservative and it’s one of the ways a number of people get iodine in their diet. (Iodine is essential to thyroid health.) Salt can, in some cases, be used to reduce cooking time. I imagine some things simply cannot be made without salt.

Even though there’s no way this can pass (today) it’s outrageous to me that anyone would even propose it. Aside from being absurd, it’s such a clear invasion of our personal rights that anyone claiming to support our rights as such must be guilty of rationalization on a spectacular scale.  It’s preposterous, fantastic, ridiculous, outrageous, and ludicrous.  And yet, here Mr. Felix Ortiz is suggesting it to us with a straight face.